Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Richard’s diary February 8th 2011 Tuesday – home 17:00 All day yesterday with CTs, bone marrow biopsy next week on Thursday morning. They think the counts could well be low due to damage to marrow by AZT, rightly taken out of my meds now. The lab work should give indications, whatever. Jünger selections translation went off to Minn. this morning by e-mail, two weeks ahead of deadline; payment is already on my account. Unbelievable how mass mediamnesia is turning that monster Reagan into a demigod on his 100th birthday. Demi is at least correct: he was only half of an actor and later became at best half of a president, enriching his friends and the wealthy while all the rest were told to enjoy the "trickle". There was nothing he did that was good. His election prompted me to have my passport renewed; his re-election was one of the reasons I wanted to leave the country. The best thing he did was to fall victim to dementia and forget he had ever been president; he only recalled all his B-movie roles as Oscar winners, and Nancy tried to protect little Ronnie from the outing he and the whole family so urgently needed. Just being an old dead president doesn't make you a good one! Historians needn't be kind; it is sad enough how they attempt to boil complicated intricacies down to linear sequences. Two quotations from “The Autobiography of Mark Twain”, volume 1, which is so heavy and voluminous that I can only read it here at home. It finally arrived in the end of January, so I could begin it on weekends between class weeks and now have much more time. (I only skimmed the mammoth introduction, have read the “Preliminary” pieces in full, and am now well into the “Autobiography" proper.) These to come from the preliminary, abortive first efforts include in some early publishers’ non-authoritative versions:

“My experience of men had long ago taught me one of the surest ways of begetting an enemy was to do some stranger an act of kindness which should lay upon him the irritating sense of an obligation."
[p. 87] “It is my settled policy to allow newspapers to make as many misstatements about me or my affairs as they like”… [p. 93] These two near aphorisms are in themselves more than sufficient proof of the infinite wisdom of the man who penned them! How long will I live, then? Asking that question, at all might be a sign of greater age, although I remember as a teenager and young man being relatively convinced I would not live to the beginning of this now 10-year-old century. Now the question is one, often provoked by mere numbers, occasionally by tests of Dr. H. rushes me around to for unsatisfactory counts. Yet I feel neither anemic nor old and am as determined as ever to grow old loving D and living with him. And I wouldn't change a thing. My life is glorious and full of love. Nothing can compare favorably with it. Twain writes that few are able or even willing, to die well. The Countess did, in the end; she let herself accept that in those first February weeks four years ago as we sat there in attendance to help her do it all well. That's why Terri is now doing Presbyterian seminary, to be able to help officially (churchly) others to die well. I hope she will not need what she learns there or learned in 2007 for any personal situations for a long time to come. There are so many observation cameras everywhere, yet there isn't even a “Street View" from Google for Chicora Court, nor for that matter, for Hiddensee, where the lighthouse webcam has also been defective for several weeks now. How often have I told the Walter Mayberry story? Every time I attempt to explain the deep-seated bad character of the bushbaby, I'm sure, even though I cannot really be sure that he was the one, but I remember his name and vaguely where he lived, as well, in the big dip on Hill Street several blocks closer than our house to the elementary school site of his milk-spattering crime. He was the one, at least whenever a name makes it easier to relate the incident of the great monitor’s fall from grace. Ms. Lewis must have been the one who rescinded his grace. I'm sure that was the name of our first-grade teacher, even though she has neither face, nor figure, nor voice in my memory where the book lists on the wall are vivid. © Dr. Richard Gardner

Monday, October 22, 2012

Maybe there will be more posts to come. The written heritage of Richard is immense and I have not read 10 percent of all the stuff. I hope to be able to publish Ricks thoughts about the world in the next years here or elsewhere. I will begin with his diary from the beginning of 2011, when in February his leukemia was detected. It is a diary of a cure, the second one he wrote.

Still in love - Detlef

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

There is no more to post here. Richard Gardner has gone on 20th Feb 2012. His husband, Detlef, thanks for 16 years of love and enlightenment. I hope there will always be enough people on this earth to enlighten those areas that are kept in darkness by fundamentalists, dictators and simply stupid beings.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Solidarity is Humanity!

It is indeed time for the USA to learn and practice compassion and thus and only thus attain true greatness.
President Obama is the greatest beacon of freedom and caring leadership in the world today! It is time to support him for the US and the world to accomplish what is so needed in this young century.


...fretting, almost obsessing, too closely monitoring myself is not going to make me forget that I am a SURVIVOR and will do everything to remain one.
Just saying.
Auch hier, wo Gefahr ist, wächst das Rettende auch. Sorge ist auch Besorgen, mein Leben und unsere Liebe, meine Liebe und unser Leben werde ich ohne Ende besorgen. Und so kann ich erkennen, was IST, wenn ich sage und weiss, dass ich BIN.
Il fallait le dire. La vie n'EST que si nous chérissons la joie intense et tout simple d'être. Je ne suis pas sans soucis, mais je me soucie de ma vie et de mon amour.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Detlef's morning wish ...

This song is the one Detlef picked out for me this morning...
...and I have that lucky star, we both have it, will shine ever more brightly with our love.

Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris: Love and Happiness (live)
And here, the lyrics:
Here's a wishing well
Here's a penny for
Any thought it is
That makes you smile
Every diamond dream
Everything that brings
Love and happiness
To your life

Here's a rabbit's foot
Take it when you go
So you'll always know
You're safe from harm
Wear your ruby shoes
When you're far away
So you'll always stay
Home in your heart

You will always have a lucky star
That shines because of what you are
Even in the deepest dark
Because your aim is true
And if I could only have one wish
Darling, then it would be this
Love and happiness for you

Here's a spinning wheel
Use it once you've learned
There's a way to turn
The straw to gold
Here's a rosary
Count on every bead
With a prayer to keep
The hope you hold

You will always have a lucky star
That shines because of what you are
Even in the deepest dark
Because your aim is true
And if I could only have one wish
Darling, then it would be this
Love and happiness for you
And if I could only have one wish
Darling, then it would be this
Love and happiness for you

Thursday, January 19, 2012

In Memoriam

23 July 1954 - 19 January 1985
In Memoriam

With you began the diary of a cure I have lived to fulfill.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Finally arriving ...

L'Éclaircie, by Philippe Sollers, is arriving, an arrival that corresponds with that of my own break in the clouds, a clearing for life and love and thought to open yet more. I greatly look forward to reading it.

Perhaps my life has been painted by Manet, Detlef and I at the picnic, why not? We need artists to show us the beauty of life and love which they see so we can see. Open our eyes, welcome Being and consider the clearing that we humans provide it.

Friday, January 6, 2012

YES, I can...

2012 is a gift I welcome and am grateful for. Yes, I can enoy another twelve months of life; yes, I am well and confident, ever better, ever stronger; yes, I will speak up for all those everywhere who also need a chance, need support, need protection, need encouragement.
There is no turning back, no relinquishing what has been achieved, no doubt, no despair.
There is only hope and thought and love and ongoing life.

And with that, we can ensure freedom and rights for all everywhere...
the right to think, speak, love, and to be cured of illness.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Another year !

May we all remember what a wonderful joyous privilege it is to begin another year, a new year, to go on with our lives, living with love, sharing that love, and smiling, yes, laughing, simply because we are there and aware and mindful of being there!


Wednesday, December 28, 2011


To celebrate reaching the ripe old age of FIVE MONTHS with my new (Terri's, thank you) stem cells with vigor and élan to become ever better, ever stronger, ever more, I am posting this festive piece by Mozart to match my mood and spread joy to whomever may happen to hear it. Joy and love is what we are all here for, and I know that is what I celebrate every single day of my new life.

- Thanks to Philippe Sollers for sharing this performance on his website; and don't forget that his new novel appears at the beginning of 2012.