Detlef's morning wish ...

This song is the one Detlef picked out for me this morning...
...and I have that lucky star, we both have it, will shine ever more brightly with our love.

Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris: Love and Happiness (live)

And here, the lyrics:

Here's a wishing well
Here's a penny for
Any thought it is
That makes you smile
Every diamond dream
Everything that brings
Love and happiness
To your life

Here's a rabbit's foot
Take it when you go
So you'll always know
You're safe from harm
Wear your ruby shoes
When you're far away
So you'll always stay
Home in your heart

You will always have a lucky star
That shines because of what you are
Even in the deepest dark
Because your aim is true
And if I could only have one wish
Darling, then it would be this
Love and happiness for you

Here's a spinning wheel
Use it once you've learned
There's a way to turn
The straw to gold
Here's a rosary
Count on every bead
With a prayer to keep
The hope you hold

You will always have a lucky star
That shines because of what you are
Even in the deepest dark
Because your aim is true
And if I could only have one wish
Darling, then it would be this
Love and happiness for you
And if I could only have one wish
Darling, then it would be this
Love and happiness for you

In Memoriam

TJOM

23 July 1954 - 19 January 1985

In Memoriam

With you began the diary of a cure I have lived to fulfill.

YES, I can...

2012 is a gift I welcome and am grateful for. Yes, I can enoy another twelve months of life; yes, I am well and confident, ever better, ever stronger; yes, I will speak up for all those everywhere who also need a chance, need support, need protection, need encouragement.
There is no turning back, no relinquishing what has been achieved, no doubt, no despair.
There is only hope and thought and love and ongoing life.

And with that, we can ensure freedom and rights for all everywhere...
the right to think, speak, love, and to be cured of illness.

FIVE MONTHS OLD

To celebrate reaching the ripe old age of FIVE MONTHS with my new (Terri's, thank you) stem cells with vigor and élan to become ever better, ever stronger, ever more, I am posting this festive piece by Mozart to match my mood and spread joy to whomever may happen to hear it. Joy and love is what we are all here for, and I know that is what I celebrate every single day of my new life.

- Thanks to Philippe Sollers for sharing this performance on his website; and don't forget that his new novel appears at the beginning of 2012.

A New Friend, New Caring

Siang Be, a new friend from my last brief stay in Station 51 due to a fever episode, is just beginning his battle against mantle-cell lymphoma and will have as much support and encouragement along the way as Detlef and I can possibly muster for him.
His wife Steffi will enjoy that support, too, and we will share all that those who have been down such a road are unique in being able to give to others just entering such uncharted territory.
There is a special solidarity possible among "patients"; a nod, a smile, a little shake of the head is enough between us, because we know this "dark cloud" from the inside, know therefore HOW MUCH LIGHT there is inside that supposed darkness.
Siang will be beginning his chemo today, and I am simply calling upon everyone who read's this to think of him and his wife - they are two REAL people! - and wish them strength and healing. They needn't know you; you needn't know them: just send positive vibrations into room 13 of Station 51 of RVK so that he can achieve the cure I have achieved due to the successful beginning of my fight in precisely that same Station!
YOU CAN BEAT THIS, SIANG! HANG IN THERE, STEFFI! WE ARE THERE FOR BOTH OF YOU!

Hiddensee Beauty for New Stem Cells

Fog, sun, cool, great air, good feelings, simply wonderful!

Hiddensee this year, too!

What a dream is about to come true for us this year...

We are going to make it to Hiddensee for 6 nights!

How often did I look at that water tower outside my window in the KMT-Unit (left) and fantasize that it was the lighthouse at Hiddensee (right), and now I have the medical permission to go, Detlef has vacation days approved for the trip, the train tickets are booked, the schedules for the ferry in hand, and our hosts Gerd & Dorina there are looking forward to welcoming us to the vacation house we've been to every year since we met.

HIDDENSEE, one of the most wonderful islands in the world; and it will be the only vacation we've been able to have out of town this whole year!

We are a lucky couple in love!

Strolling through the neighborhood

A Wonderful Day

The Countess would have turned 85 today.
My doctors in the outpatient clinic were pleased today and did a marrow biopsy on me which will certainly show that I am continuing in full remission. Detlef maneuvered me through the narcotics allowing them to puncture my pelvis again and get me quickly back up on my feet.
The CMV test last week was negative, meaning the chances are good it was so today as well and I can soon drop the pills against it.
Micha is feeling better, fever free, will probably get out on Friday, and we can all have a nice evening together.
Life is wonderful.

HOME IS WONDERFUL

... and this time, there's no further hospital stay looming in the future. I've finished with all that, just have to get through the next weeks and months of living with and supported by my new stem cells without any GvHD or infections during the immune-suppressed period necessary to prevent the former.

As well as everything else has gone, this should go well, too.

And below is what I have left behind me!

Die Rettung beginnt heute.

Today, with Terri here, begins the transplant phase of my treatment, exams and talks today tomorrow, fully stationary as of Wednesday, and I feel excellent emotionally & physically.
Detlef is in good shape, too, and we will make it through the coming ordeals connected with the transplant, the chemo before, the nadir danger phase thereafter, the adoption of the new stem cells from Terri, their grafting and becoming productive, so that I once and for all have leukemia FREE bone marrow for perfect blood cells for the longterm future!

Rainbows and Dreams

Over my personal rainbow, leaving the storm behind me, propelled with the stem cells from my sister, accompanied by my loving husband Detlef, a long life of great love is waiting for me, normal, without medical intervention, simple and just waiting to be lived....

...and on the other side of that rainbow, my black-and-white films turns into technicolor, too!

Mini-Golf in the Big City

The mobile phone pix may not be so great, but Petra's idea of taking us to play mini-golf Saturday a week ago was a super great idea.
Who cares if I came in last, cause I don't think I've ever won at putt-putt, not even as a kid back at White Lake.
The idea was to spend time while home from treatment with friends doing something enjoyable together.
And afterwards we went out to eat dinner, pigged out completely, and were then driven back home after a perfect outing.

Home from the Second Round

Life is so wonderful when you can weather the storm of a heavy duty consolidation chemo against AML and get back home again with counts sufficient to provide you protection against infection.
I feel well, my counts are continuing to climb, and I am grateful...
... grateful to the nurses and staff of Station 51A (and B and 52) of Charité's Virchow Klinikum for their tireless support,
... grateful to the doctors of the oncology/hematology team there, Dr. Flörcken, Dr. Kuhnitz, Dr. Kreher, Dr. Westermann, Dr. Müller, et al. for their unceasing efforts to carry me through it all,
... to all my friends and family here who visited and called, to all my friends and family in the states who face-booked me words of encouragement,
... to Claudia & Alma for hosting Koko while I'm at home, so I can see him even if I can't be around him,
... to my dear sister, Terri, who stands ready to provide me with the stem cells that are a genetic match and which I need for the marrow transplant next month,
... to Detlef for always being there for me with his limitless love.

And, yes, I am even grateful to myself for mustering the strength that is rewarded by my home right here so full of love!

Take my counts up, up, and away in that beautiful balloon!

I'm climbing into that balloon and want to have my counts ascend rapidly for a quick return home to maximize the amount of time I have there before coming into the Marrow Transplant Unit!

Let's go now, soaring white cells, ascending platelets, rising red cells!

May my marrow provide the necessary propulsion for me to go up, up, and away from the hospital and back home for a while!

With the love of Detlef and the support of so many friends and family members, it must be possible to get this balloon off the ground!

A Fabulous Birthday!

Despite being in the hospital, my birthday was wonderful. Best wishes came from so many on fb, from visitors here, including a cake from my brother- and sister-in-law, from all the nurses and doctors on the ward, as well as those on the other that we pass on the way during our walking rounds. It was good, and I KNOW I'm on the right path to a permanent cure from this AML!
A special thanks and all my love to my loving, caring, wonderful husband Detlef!

Down In The Valley

And out of the valley I'll come out full of love and life for the ages!

Back for More

Back in Virchow today, my consolidation chemo starts tomorrow. Within four weeks altogether, I should be out again, once more for three weeks, perhaps even four, and then comes the stay for the marrow transplant.
It is amazing, again this time, how much they have already accomplished since I came in a little after 11am: echocardiogram (OK), lung function test (OK), laying of my new central-vein catheter for infusions and drawing blood, x-ray to check proper placement of the vein catheter, talk with the doctor about the consolidation chem course (5 days, high-dose Ara-C in 3g ampules morning and evening on days 1, 3, & 5). Tomorrow morning they'll give me the protocol and start, and I also begin all the extra things to help me withstand any side effects.
I'm ready, and we're going to do this right!
It is good to know my lovey, Detlef, can bring Koko home this evening. At least that way, he has one of our "family" members there, even if it's unclear who babbles more, our parrot or I. And I will have a chance to see the pretty birdy on skype at least. He will be good company for Detlef, who once more, I think, is more nervous about everything than I am. But it is our LOVE that will carry us through all of this so that we can have decades and decades together afterwards!

A Weekend to Enjoy

Before the bulldozer of treatment plows back into our lives beginning Monday, we are just going to enjoy every second of this wonderful weekend together! It was ushered in, so to say, by a fine visit from my sister and bone marrow donor, who flew back out yesterday. How great to spend time together while I'm out of the hospital and feeling good!
The same applies to this weekend with my cherished husband Detlef. Hard Rock is on the agenda, maybe with a couple of friends joining us there if they get their act together, while another two are coming with breakfast tomorrow morning.
Otherwise, we want to be just with ourselves, loving and calm, strong and determined, with the greatest of will for me to move another step towards ultimate victory over this AML.

Reading Heidegger on Chemo

Gesamtausgabe Band 53: Anmerkungen zu Hölderlins Hymne "Der Ister"
provides very enjoyable and thoughtful reading while here at Virchow, especially when you can see (and then ignore) the (mute) TV images the other patient in the room is watching from the private commercial stations all day.

And for variety, when I need to let a couple of sections solidify reflectively in my mind, I pick up John Waters' Role Models for a taste of truly tasteful trashy extravagance of the artistic mind.
Roth's Nemesis is also waiting to be begun, and there is a volume of lesser known one-acters by Tennesse Williams also on the shelf.

And if the counts are too low, or the chemo and the rest has just left me too tired, then a nap after lunch is also allowed.

After all, I have to drag out the laptop and check in here every once in a while, also news sources, to make sure they haven't further screwed up the world while I haven't been watching as closely.
That the plagiarist ex-Dr. not at all noble Guttenberg finally resigned from his position of Defense Minister here, still claiming he has done nothing wrong, may be the reason his university now accuses him of intentional plagiarism and has turned the whole thing over to the state attorney for investigation and possible charges.
That Kadaffi is still around is a reason to wish all those against him as much strength and endurance in their battle to shake off the yoke of tyranny as possible.
And my personal current experience should be a reminder to those in the country from which I hail of how important universal health insurance truly is